Here's the Deal:
01) Add me first
02) Leave a comment, telling me who you are & why I should add you
03) No chat speak! It hurts my eyes.
04) No haters of any kind. Don't be rude to me or my friends. Don't like what you read, then don't be my friend.
05) Make sure you comment!
Everyone that was on my friends list have now been DELETED! Want me to add you back, you know what to do.
Im just tired of watching what I write because I know certain people read this. This is my journal, I say what I feel & why Im feeling it. I shouldn't censor my life because of other people.
I just got done watching Real World. Danny's mom died, & I seriously started crying. I know how he feels, I just wanted to reach into the television & hug him. It's honestly the worst feeling in the world.
Me & Tim are okay I think. Haven't really fought since the last time I mentioned us, so that's good. He's going back to Georgia on the 13th, so I doubt we're going to see each other one last time before then. =\ People keep telling me to move with him, to get away from everything here, but I can't do that. It's not so much the afraid of starting over part, but I can't live at his parent's house, because he won't even be there, & I can't live in the dorm with him. I mean if we were going to be getting a place of our own, that'd be one thing, but that's not happening any time soon.
I've been talking to Chris lately. It's weird because every time I mention that I haven't talked to him in a while, he calls the next day. This time was no exception. But he said he turned himself in to get clean, away from drugs & everything. He had gotten really bad these past few years, so I'm very proud of hearing that he's been clean since May 3rd. =) A lot of people don't know the deal with him & I, so a quick update. I've known Chris for like 10 years, we always had a crush on each other, but I would never go out with him because he was a big time player, so we just remained friends. It's one of those relationships where we could tell each other just about anything, & not care. So, like 2 1/2 years ago, he went to jail for a little over a year I think, & we wrote letters & I visited him, & he kept telling me he loved me & wanted to be with me, that he had changed, & me being stupid, I believed him. Anyway when he got out, nothing really changed (he didn't change I mean). We would sleep over each other's houses, hang out all the time, blah blah. Then he just.. stopped talking to me. So whatever, I got over it. Then lately we've just been talking, trying to plan something out where we could hang out.
This is what happened to him though
So, he called me today & said he was leaving town because 6-8 guys from Springfield came here looking for him & if they caught him they were going to shoot & kill him, because everyone thinks he's a police informant, which he isn't. But he asked if he could come down & say goodbye, because who knows when I'll see him again. We hung around out front for like 15-20 minutes, just talking. Then he started to panic because he was getting weird phone calls, so he wanted to get going. He gave me a hug & a kiss on the cheek, I asked him to be safe & to keep in touch with me so I know he's okay, & he got in the car. As he was pulling away he mouthed "I Love You". This would be the 2nd time he's said that, because a few nights ago I was talking to him on the phone, & he goes "Ok, love you." & I'm like "Yeah.. bye" It's kind of uncomfortable, because he knows that I'm with Tim, & I told him before that he lost his chance to be with me, he fucked it up so much, & I'm not going to say it back, I don't say it unless I mean it, & I just don't love him like that. I mean as a friend, of course, I love all of my friends. But it wouldn't be fair to him if I said it, & didn't mean it.
Norm's back, super duper. =\ Toni already made it clear that this is NOT my house, so no matter what I say, it doesn't matter. So, he'll be here for another month. I don't like it, & I'm not going to pretend that I do. She told me "Don't like it, you have a room." So guess where I'll be for the next month?
Toni & Joe both have therapists, for their own reasons. I'm thinking I need to see one too. There are WAY too many moments where I catch myself gritting my teeth to keep from screaming at the top of my lungs, & I start breathing heavy & my heart starts racing. That can't be normal. I have anger issues, I know. But is it really worth it to open up to a complete stranger, & then tell me what I already know is wrong with me? I hate the world, I blame everyone for my mom's death, I'm always trying to please everybody. Yes, I know this. Why am I laying on a couch spilling my guts to someone I don't even know? If I do decide to trust anybody, it'll be someone I KNOW I can trust, someone that won't file me in a cabinet with thousands of others & do nothing for.
I think I need to go lay down & cry some more.
- Current Mood: sad
- Current Music:Incomplete - Backstreet Boys
I hear this song, & love it more each time. It's beautiful. & I cant help but think that if me & Tim break up, & I mean for good, this will be our song. We are always going to remain friends, as much as it'll kill me to see him with someone else, but.. yeah.
- Current Mood: contemplative
- Current Music:Cool - Gwen Stefani
-Fall Out Boy
-Dane Cook's cds, I think he's got 2 out now, but I want them both.
That is all
Fill it out, or I'll cry =(
Fill this out about me!!! BE HONEST!
- - - - - - ? YES or N0
A friend? :
More than a friend? :
A flirt? :
A psycho? :
Laid back? :
- - - - - - ? iF Y0U C0ULD
Give me a new name, what would it be ?:
Hook me up with someone, who would it be ?:
Do one thing with me, it would be ?:
Drop me one piece of advice, it would be ?:
- - - - - - ? W0ULD Y0U
Kiss me ?:
Have sex with me ?:
Ever go out with me ?:
If you already have, would you do it again ?:
Marry me if you could ?:
Ever talk bad about me if we were to break up ?:
- - - - - - ? QUESTi0NS
What is my phone number?:
Which song reminds you of me?:
When is my birthday?:
Who is/are my best friend/s?:
Where did we meet?:
Have you ever had a dream about me? Describe it.:
If you could change one thing about me what would it be?:
What do you love about me?:
Describe me in 3-5 words...:
Thinking of making a new journal or friends only on this one. I'm not sure. Feedback?
- Current Mood: contemplative
- Current Music:On My Own - The Used
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