Here's the Deal:
01) Add me first
02) Leave a comment, telling me who you are & why I should add you
03) No chat speak! It hurts my eyes.
04) No haters of any kind. Don't be rude to me or my friends. Don't like what you read, then don't be my friend.
05) Make sure you comment!
Everyone that was on my friends list have now been DELETED! Want me to add you back, you know what to do.
Im just tired of watching what I write because I know certain people read this. This is my journal, I say what I feel & why Im feeling it. I shouldn't censor my life because of other people.
I just got done watching Real World. Danny's mom died, & I seriously started crying. I know how he feels, I just wanted to reach into the television & hug him. It's honestly the worst feeling in the world.
Me & Tim are okay I think. Haven't really fought since the last time I mentioned us, so that's good. He's going back to Georgia on the 13th, so I doubt we're going to see each other one last time before then. =\ People keep telling me to move with him, to get away from everything here, but I can't do that. It's not so much the afraid of starting over part, but I can't live at his parent's house, because he won't even be there, & I can't live in the dorm with him. I mean if we were going to be getting a place of our own, that'd be one thing, but that's not happening any time soon.
I've been talking to Chris lately. It's weird because every time I mention that I haven't talked to him in a while, he calls the next day. This time was no exception. But he said he turned himself in to get clean, away from drugs & everything. He had gotten really bad these past few years, so I'm very proud of hearing that he's been clean since May 3rd. =) A lot of people don't know the deal with him & I, so a quick update. I've known Chris for like 10 years, we always had a crush on each other, but I would never go out with him because he was a big time player, so we just remained friends. It's one of those relationships where we could tell each other just about anything, & not care. So, like 2 1/2 years ago, he went to jail for a little over a year I think, & we wrote letters & I visited him, & he kept telling me he loved me & wanted to be with me, that he had changed, & me being stupid, I believed him. Anyway when he got out, nothing really changed (he didn't change I mean). We would sleep over each other's houses, hang out all the time, blah blah. Then he just.. stopped talking to me. So whatever, I got over it. Then lately we've just been talking, trying to plan something out where we could hang out.
This is what happened to him though
http://www.thetranscript.com/Storie
So, he called me today & said he was leaving town because 6-8 guys from Springfield came here looking for him & if they caught him they were going to shoot & kill him, because everyone thinks he's a police informant, which he isn't. But he asked if he could come down & say goodbye, because who knows when I'll see him again. We hung around out front for like 15-20 minutes, just talking. Then he started to panic because he was getting weird phone calls, so he wanted to get going. He gave me a hug & a kiss on the cheek, I asked him to be safe & to keep in touch with me so I know he's okay, & he got in the car. As he was pulling away he mouthed "I Love You". This would be the 2nd time he's said that, because a few nights ago I was talking to him on the phone, & he goes "Ok, love you." & I'm like "Yeah.. bye" It's kind of uncomfortable, because he knows that I'm with Tim, & I told him before that he lost his chance to be with me, he fucked it up so much, & I'm not going to say it back, I don't say it unless I mean it, & I just don't love him like that. I mean as a friend, of course, I love all of my friends. But it wouldn't be fair to him if I said it, & didn't mean it.
Norm's back, super duper. =\ Toni already made it clear that this is NOT my house, so no matter what I say, it doesn't matter. So, he'll be here for another month. I don't like it, & I'm not going to pretend that I do. She told me "Don't like it, you have a room." So guess where I'll be for the next month?
Toni & Joe both have therapists, for their own reasons. I'm thinking I need to see one too. There are WAY too many moments where I catch myself gritting my teeth to keep from screaming at the top of my lungs, & I start breathing heavy & my heart starts racing. That can't be normal. I have anger issues, I know. But is it really worth it to open up to a complete stranger, & then tell me what I already know is wrong with me? I hate the world, I blame everyone for my mom's death, I'm always trying to please everybody. Yes, I know this. Why am I laying on a couch spilling my guts to someone I don't even know? If I do decide to trust anybody, it'll be someone I KNOW I can trust, someone that won't file me in a cabinet with thousands of others & do nothing for.
I think I need to go lay down & cry some more.
- Mood:
sad - Music:Incomplete - Backstreet Boys
If ya cant read this, dont worry. Ill update later with what it really said. =)
Figures Tim asks for a picture of me while Im pms-ing. But here ya brats ♥
By the way, my digital camera came in today, woohoo! So lots of pictures, since Im going to have it on me allll the time! =)
( Ugly-ness )
I hear this song, & love it more each time. It's beautiful. & I cant help but think that if me & Tim break up, & I mean for good, this will be our song. We are always going to remain friends, as much as it'll kill me to see him with someone else, but.. yeah.
- Mood:
contemplative - Music:Cool - Gwen Stefani
-Fall Out Boy
-Gwen Stefani
-Dane Cook's cds, I think he's got 2 out now, but I want them both.
That is all
Fill it out, or I'll cry =(
Fill this out about me!!! BE HONEST!
- - - - - - ? YES or N0
am I-
Ugly? :
Kind? :
Loud? :
Shy? :
Weird? :
Selfish? :
Ghetto? :
Crazy?:
Nice? :
Mean?:
Immature? :
Rude?:
Cool? :
Stupid? :
Caring? :
Mature? :
A friend? :
More than a friend? :
Talkative? :
Boring? :
Hott :
Creative? :
Smart? :
A flirt? :
A psycho? :
Athletic? :
Confusing? :
Sweet? :
Annoying? :
Funny? :
Hyper? :
Laid back? :
Perfect? :
- - - - - - ? iF Y0U C0ULD
Give me a new name, what would it be ?:
Hook me up with someone, who would it be ?:
Do one thing with me, it would be ?:
Drop me one piece of advice, it would be ?:
- - - - - - ? W0ULD Y0U
Kiss me ?:
Have sex with me ?:
Ever go out with me ?:
If you already have, would you do it again ?:
Marry me if you could ?:
Ever talk bad about me if we were to break up ?:
- - - - - - ? QUESTi0NS
What is my phone number?:
Which song reminds you of me?:
When is my birthday?:
Who is/are my best friend/s?:
Where did we meet?:
Have you ever had a dream about me? Describe it.:
If you could change one thing about me what would it be?:
What do you love about me?:
Describe me in 3-5 words...:
Thinking of making a new journal or friends only on this one. I'm not sure. Feedback?
- Mood: contemplative
- Music:On My Own - The Used
| fallenangel213 may explode without warning |
| M EXPLOSIVE |
From Go-Quiz.com
They have nooo idea
- Mood:
predatory
Top Commenters on
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fallenangel213's LiveJournal| 1 | fallenangel213 |    103 |
| 2 | him_lover_yt | 46 |
| 3 | triggerhelpless | 40 |
| 4 | _fragilexheart_ | 34 |
| 5 | claypoolgd | 28 |
| 6 | _bees_knees | 27 |
| 7 | struckuout12 | 22 |
| 8 | sing_love_songs | 19 |
| 9 | quadbot10 | 17 |
| 10 | creamsoda4life | 17 |
| 11 | effinsexi | 13 |
| 12 | morbidxxbeauty | 13 |
| 13 | originalbatkity | 13 |
| 14 | blue_eyedsinger | 11 |
| 15 | xsarakitten07x | 9 |
| 16 | x__adore | 8 |
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| 18 | Anonymous | 6 |
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| 21 | tlc682 | 5 |
| 22 | madam_insanity | 3 |
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| 26 | spiralabortion | 3 |
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| 31 | chinesehappy | 1 |
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Total Commenters: 43
Total Comments: 482
Report generated 7/27/2005 9:15:09 AM by
scrapdog's LJ Comment Stats Wizard 1.6Post 1 thing you hate about me (that's all I can take right now)
Post 5 things we'd do together if we hung out
Post 3 things that remind you of me
Post 1 way I've affected your life (positive or negative)
Post 4 facts about you that I don't know
Post this in your own journal.
I've been doing a little better. Still depressed though. It seems like the second things start to look up, something happens & I go right back to being at rock bottom. End it please? =[
- Mood:
amused
[1] I committed suicide:
[2] I said I liked you:
[3] I kissed you:
[4] I lived next door to you:
[5] I started smoking:
[6] I stole something:
[7] I was hospitalized:
[8] I ran away from home:
[9] I got into a fight and you weren't there:
What do you think about my:
[1] Personality:
[2] Eyes:
[3] Face:
[4] Hair:
[5] Clothes:
[6] Mannerisms:
Other:
[1] Who are you?
[2] Are we friends?
[3] When and how did we meet?
[4] How have I affected you?
[5] What do you think of me?
[6] What's the fondest memory you have of me?
[7] How long do you think we will be friends or enemies?
[8] Do you love me?
[9] Have I ever hurt you?
[10] Would you hug me?
[11] Would you kiss me?
[12] Would you fuck me?
[13] Would you marry me?
[14] Emotionally, what stands out?
[15] Do you wish I was cooler?
[16] On a scale of 1-10, how nice am I?
[17] Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
[18] Am I loveable?
[19] How long have you known me?
[20] Describe me in one word.
[21] What was your first impression?
[22] Do you still think that way about me now?
[23] What do you think my weakness is?
[24] Do you think I'll get married?
[25] What about me makes you happy?
[26] What about me makes you sad?
[27] What reminds you of me?
[28] What's something you would change about me?
[29] How well do you know me?
[30] Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
[31] Do you think I would kill someone?
[32] Are we close?
[33] Are you going to put this on your journal and see what I say about you?
The past, oh I don't know, week, I've been feeling completely ignored. Not by one person in particular, but by everybody that says they care about me. Toni's wrapped up in Norm, Tim's got his friends & his jobs, everybody's just too busy for me. Yesterday I was feeling like shit, so I dressed up in a skirt. I also had my job shadowing yesterday. Nobody even bothered to ask how it went, or why I was dressed up. The only time it was mentioned was when I said something about it. I'm just tired of people forgetting me.
You bleed just to know you're alive
- Mood: lonely
- Music:Iris - Goo Goo Dolls
Nothing much has really been happening. I'm a boring person.
The chances of us 3 kids & my dad getting my mom's life insurance money has slightly increased. My dad just has to fill out all the original paperwork (we couldn't do anything without him, so we were getting NOWHERE) & then I think that's it. But we'll see what happens.
I took my practice test for the job last night. There was 90 questions all together, but 15 didn't count against me (random 15 I guess). So out of 75 questions, I got 62 correct. The state passing score is 464, & I got 473. I wish that was the real one, then I wouldn't be worrying about it so much. But looking back on what I got wrong, it was simple mistakes (well some of them). I just need to read better. Then again, there's NEVER a quiet moment in this house, so it was a bit hard to concentrate. I got the most wrong in the Math area, but that was expected. I HATE math, I can't do it! Anyone wanna tutor me? I'll pay you with love, & lots of it! ♥
Today is pay day. *Groan* I'd be more excited, but 1) since I'm back to the shitty hours, it's back to shitty paychecks & 2) Most of it is spent already & if it's not spent, it's going in the bank. I usually live off of $20.00 for two weeks. I try to anyway, sometimes I need to withdraw, which I HATE doing.
Tim is heading back to Georgia on the 13th. But I'll have more to say about that another time.
Does anyone have the song "Cool" by Gwen Stefani on their computer? I want it, send it to me please? I'll love you forever & that should be MORE than enough reason to send it to me. ;]
I'm ordering a digital camera, very soon. It'll cost me nearly $200.00, which I really can't afford, but even buying the cheaper one I'd be spending the same, since I'd need a memory card, so. But that means I can take pictures, & show all of my LJ friends! I know they love me, even if some never comment *ahem.. Jazz* ♥
Haha, I just ran out of things to say, so I was looking around my room for something interesting to write about. I'm lame. =P
Suppose I'll finish getting ready. Comment!
iloveyoutimothymichael♥
So if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go cry now.
I Wish I Felt Nothing
Say when you're alone
It's better 'cause nobody knows you
When no one's your friend
It's better 'cause nobody leaves you
So you turned your back
On a world that you could never have
'Cause your heart's been cracked
And everyone else's is goin' mad
But I hear voices
And I see colors
But I wish I felt nothing
Then it might be easy for me
Like it is for you
Now all of these people
Come up from deep holes
Pullin' you down
And it's just no use
When all the abuse follows you down
By the morning you've gone
Leavin' me here all alone
Sayin' it's no mystery
I know that nobody here needs me
But I hear voices
And I see colors
But I wish I felt nothing
Then it might be easy for me
Like it is for you
And I know you believe that you and me don't belong here
And the worst we could do
Is keep trying to pretend we care
But I hear voices
And I see colors
But I wish I felt nothing
Then it might be easy for me
Like it is for you
- Mood:
pissed off - Music:I Wish I Felt Nothing - The Wallflowers
Stubborn and hard-hearted.
Ambitious and serious. Loves to teach and be
taught. Always looking at people's flaws and
weaknesses. Likes to criticize. Hardworking and
productive. Smart, neat and organized. Sensitive
and has deep thoughts.
Knows how to make others happy. Quiet unless
excited or tensed. Rather
reserved. Highly attentive. Resistant to illnesses
but prone to colds.
Romantic but has difficulties expressing love.
Loves children. Loyal.
Has great social abilities yet easily jealous. Very
Stubborn and money cautious.
What does your birth month say about you?
brought to you by Quizilla
I can't even begin to tell you how accurate that is.
Go to my user info & give me hugs dammit. I need them.
Please? =[
( Dum De Dum )
- Mood: melancholy
- Music:I'm Not Okay (I Promise) - My Chemical Romance
My father will be here around 11-11:30 tomorrow morning. =\ I don't know what to think on this. I'm really hurt that I'm completely non-existant to him, yet he talks to my brother & sister all the time on the computer. Why can't he love me?
I guess Tim's been calling. He told Toni his house was struck by lightning, & that he was going out tonight because it's his friend's birthday or something. So I don't know -shrug-
My fucking ear hurts!! -cries hysterically-
Basically,
I got A job, somewhere in the fall. For what, I'm not sure yet. But probably working with autistic kids, which is what I was going for. Interview went great, if anyone wondered how it went.
Work's been going okay, been yelling a lot, but that's okay.
Got sunburned on my shoulders, it sucks.
My ear's doing a lot better, still hurts a little, but not as bad as it did before, thank GOD.
I'm waiting for Tim, AGAIN. It's a routine now for crying out loud. I don't even know where he is. He said he was going to call me while I was babysitting (this was around 4) & then he disappeared. So, whatever. Thanks for making me wonder & worry that something bad has happened & all that good stuff =)
I'm a nightmare, a disaster
That's what they always say
I'm a lost cause, not a hero
But I'll make it on my own
I've gotta prove them wrong
Me against the world
It's me against the world
- Mood: confused
- Music:Me Against the World - Simple Plan
If any of you know someone who has been raped, or just want to show love, support, and respect for rape victims...please repost this rose saying that it's to show support for rape victims.
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- Mood:
groggy - Music:My Paper Heart - All American Rejects
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